Ep 195 - Pinay-Rish with Siobhan Diores

Transcript from episode 195…

ManeHustle Media 0:08

This is a ManeHustle Media Podcast

Hello, and welcome to the show. My name is Jacque Oh, and you're listening to Militantly Mixed.

Yo, this Rashanii, from the Single Simulcast when I'm not making you laugh, or making a parody songs. I'm kicking back and listening to Militantly Mixed.

ManeHustle Media podcasts are recorded on the ancestral lands of the Chumash Tonga, Karankawa, and Hohokam people, and I wish to pay my respects to the people of those nations both past and present.

Sharmane Fury 0:54

Konnichiwa What's up cousins? Welcome to Militantly Mixed the podcast about race and identity from the Mixed race perspective. I am your Sir Auntie Sharmane Fury, aka daBlasian Blerd and this is episode 195. And I have a wonderful guest today. My guest today is Siobhan Diores a birth worker and a person of Filipino-Irish, and recently learned Basque heritage, we had such a good conversation that was I was so appreciative of the time I got to spend with Siobhan for this discussion, so I cannot wait for y'all to hear this episode. But I have a few announcements I need to get through. In this intro. I want to try to get through it as cleanly as possible. But you know how hard it is. For me to keep it tight. I'm gonna do my best. I'm gonna try to keep it tight. But I'm really looking forward to sharing this episode that you're about to hear with myself and Siobhan here shortly. Well, first thing out the gate the big announcement. You may have noticed, if you are listening to this on Tuesday, January 17. And you are a subscriber of Militantly Mixed on whichever podcasting platform you listen on. That there was a previous Download today to this download of this episode. And that was the special announcement of the code project the joint project between Militantly Mixed and the Mixed Auntie Confidential, myself Sharmane Fury and TaRessa Stovall, we are partnering on a what we hope to be an annual project of a Be your Mixed ass self anthology. And we are seeking submissions for our very first volume to be published here in 2023. This is a I want to say labor of love, even though we haven't started doing a whole lot of labor on it yet, project because it's something that I have been wanting to do related to the show pretty much the whole time. TaRessa herself is a journalist and an author she has submitted to many anthologies, she has also edited many anthologies, we've been working together so much in this kind of Co-Militantly Mixed and Mixed Auntie confidential crossover through her blog and my show that we just thought it didn't make sense for us to do it apart. We needed to do it together. So we started out our announcement earlier today with attention Mixed writers, we want to hear your stories. So if you are listening to this show if you have been listening to the show for a while if you're new here, but you would like to share your story about being your Mixed so in whatever that means for you. We are seeking entries for nonfiction essays and poetry by March 15. That is the deadline for entry. To learn more about this you can go to militantlymixed.com/bymasanthology, and that's b-y-m-a-s which is short obviously for "be your Mixed ass self" or you can just go to militantlymixed.com and click on the anthology tab and you'll see all of the guidelines for submission there. There is an entry fee $15 per entry and you can enter up to three pieces to be considered. We are going to be co-editing this anthology myself and Auntie TaRessa. First things first, we need y'all to get writing. You do not have to be a professional writer. We just need you to submit something that was previously unpublished and that means unpublished in a book, another anthology the web's anything previously unpublished work submitted to this anthology with the theme or idea of you being your success self. I am so excited and so looking forward to the entries that we are going to be getting. And I just cannot wait to be able to put this book together with y'all. That is announcement number one. We talked about it already on the previous little download, but please go and check that out if you haven't heard it yet. And check out the website so you can learn how to how to submit. Alright, announcement number two is I was recently a guest on a couple of different podcasts, but one in particular in which I actually do talk more about Mixed identity. And that was I was a guest last week on the off ethnic podcast. So funnily enough, it just timed out this way. I recorded this back in November, I think with Jen Lee, and YonSoo Kang, who are the Co-hosts of the AuthEthnic podcast. Jen Lee was also a guest on Militantly Mixed a couple of years ago on the Chicanese episode. So we recorded this in November in preparation for the release of their third season. third season dropped a couple of weeks ago, and my episode just timed out to drop. Last week, after I had also just announced that Jen Lee and I were taking on the Co-leadership role of the Mixed Queer caucus for the critical Mixed race studies, CMRS Organization, it just timed out that all of this was happening at the same time. So I'm gonna put a link in the show notes. So you can check out that episode, we are talking mostly about Mixed Asian identity because it is Asian American podcast and and Jen Lee and I are both Mixed Asians, Asian Americans. It was a really good discussion. And we do talk about a number of different things that I think I would love to hear what people thought about him. So go ahead and check that out. I'll put the link in the show notes so that you can you can get to that episode if you'd like. I was also recently a guest on a show called color of motion that was more on the nerdy side of things. I talked a lot about my time working with the comic book shop. I talked about, you know, moderating pod, you know, moderating panels at Comic Cons, cosplay, comic books, things like that. That show again is called color of motion. It is on YouTube. And the host is Don Terrell. We were both on a panel together at comic Palooza earlier last year and got to chit chat and decided, you know, there was something there, we should get together on Don's podcast. And and so yeah, that aired on Saturday, the seventh or something like that. So you can check that out, it is still available on YouTube, if you just go to Color of Motion. Or if you type in Sharmane Fury, I'm sure it'll it'll pop up if you want to check that out. So there's two, two guest spots that I did in recent times. That is the Authethnic podcast and Color of Motion. At the start of the year, I had mentioned that I was going to be taking on this Co-leadership role with Jen Lee for the Mixed Queer caucus for CMRS. And we were just waiting for our directives and the the information that we needed to start outreaching to gain a listserv so that we can start putting together membership for Mixed queer caucus and also future events. We have had our directors meeting and then Jen and I still have a planning meeting to do. But I'm really excited about what we are going to be able to do in creating this Mixed Queer space, for fellowship for conversation for education, and different events. So keep on it. I have already heard back from some of y'all who heard that episode and reached out and said you'd be interested in hearing more about it. When the time comes. You're on a little email list a little you know, list for me at the moment. As soon as Jen and I finalize the how to join the membership and everything like that and release a little bit more news about it. I will definitely just be pushing out an email to those of you who have already emailed me so far. But if you're hearing this for the first time, you're like, what is that, you know that go back to the first episode of the new year or just wait it out, because in a week or two, I'll probably gonna have more information that I'll be able to talk about. If you would like to join the Mixed queer caucus for the CMRS critical Mixed race studies organization, in which I'm going to end up talking a lot about here on Militantly Mixed because I'm the co lead. So you and I think lastly, I think lastly,

I am 70 days away. Well, by the time this episode airs, I'll be 65 days away from my move to Merida, Mexico. And just over the last couple days, I've suddenly become a little frantic. Where it's like actually, the reality has set in I have been counting down the days for this move and posting about this on my career and for social media for that that platform of that podcast 100 days out and for some reason it finally hit like oh my gosh was only a couple months left until I leave and while I have been focusing and so excited about the actual move what I haven't been paying attention to I was that I'm actually leaving the United States, the country of birth, the, you know, the place I have been living, I suppose, and comfort my whole life. And that soon that safety net of your, you know born country is going to be gone. That finally hit me. I don't know why it's taking me so long. But It finally occurred to me, I'm going to be living in a place. That is not the country that I was born in, which feels a lot different than moving from a state that I wasn't born in. So I'm a little freaked out. Now. I'm excited. I'm nervous. But I am freaking out a little bit. And I am in crazy packing, throwing away donating kind of mode. But I'm letting y'all know this because it is still my intention to still release episodes of Militantly Mixed on time. That's why I recorded everything in December and early January, so that I can get them all edited. And the only thing that I should have to do every week is record a new intro. For for that week. And even though last week, I did release in the mix Auntie confidential episode a day late that didn't have anything to do with the move that had something to do with how busy I was on the weekend. So I had scheduled the Monday before release to be my editing day or my recording day to be my finish up editing day. And I got the COVID booster, my fifth shot and it laid me out so I wasn't able to get my work done on time. And then Tuesday, I continued to be pretty washed out. So I didn't actually get the episode up until Wednesday. That is not something that I expect to happen between now and my move, because I have everything mostly planned out. Getting the shot when I got was unexpected. And so that's why it derailed that, but I don't perceive this move derailing my episodes of Militantly Mixed in the way that my move to Houston did because I'm I'm way more organized about this move even though I feel completely chaotic about how much stuff I still need to pack and get rid of. So wish me luck, y'all. If you have any tips about moving to another country, definitely share them with me because I'm I'm that's the thing I'm doing too. I'm reaching out to people I'm researching and all this other kind of stuff. But sometimes it's that personal story. That is really helpful. So if you have lived abroad moved abroad at some point, and you have any tips that you would like to share to help reduce the stress that comes along with oh my gosh, in just 65 days, I'm no longer going to be living in my home country anymore. How much I mean, I'd love to hear them. And maybe there's some kind of thing that I can share on my other podcast clear and far to discuss it. That's it. So let's get into today's episode. My guest today is Siobhan Diores we had a really wonderful conversation talking about the importance of representation within birth work, how sometimes the personal is political and how sometimes the political is inserted into your work, and all kinds of things. It was such a wonderful conversation. I'm so glad to be sharing this with you all. So please check the show notes so that you can follow Siobhan if you'd like to learn more about her business as a birth worker, or you know, birth birth work in general, I guess. But without further ado, please join me in welcoming our latest cousin to the Militantly Mixed family Siobhan do.

And today I am joined by Siobhan Diores. Siobhan Why don't you introduce yourself and let's get into it.

Siobhan Diores 14:12

Thank you. Thanks for having me on Sharmane. My name is Siobhan Diores I use she are they pronouns? And I am joining from Aloni land better known as San Francisco, California where I am born and raised rooted. I am a mother of one a birth worker, a reproductive justice educator. And I'm here because I'm also Filipino and Irish along well go into that but my mom is from the southern Philippines. My dad was adopted by an Irish family in San Francisco. So I'm a sixth generation San Franciscan, but a few years ago, we found out that he's actually also BESC so I'm working that into my identity and getting in touch with that. So Filipino and Irish I mostly say, but there's there's a little more in that European side that I'm still unpacking.

Sharmane Fury 15:10

So your father? Is he also ethnically Irish beyond being adopted into an Irish? Yeah, yeah. So

Siobhan Diores 15:17

his mom was Irish and she got pregnant in the 60s before you could be a single mom, and found an Irish family through the church. And then so we always, I guess that's how the adoptions were done a lot these days is like through the Catholic Church. So he grew up with this Irish family. That was our whole I mean, my name Siobhan. So I'm, like, later finding out from the ancestry. Oh, I'm only like, less than a quarter ethnically Irish. I'm a fraud over here with my name. That yes, his mother was Irish.

Sharmane Fury 15:49

Okay. And then, as you've learned about the Basques? Well, before you get too worried about incorporating, even if you want to, is his ancestry.com, or 23andme,

Siobhan Diores 16:04

it was ancestry. But the Basque the ancestry was like a whole mix, like Irish, Scottish, Italian, all these things, but the best part actually came from reuniting with his biological father. Yeah, so turns out, they're from Idaho, not as cool as San Francisco, as we've always identified, but that's where his biological parents were. And I guess there's a big Basque American community in Boise, Idaho, apparently, of all places that people is to me, but his father was, yeah, they're really proud of that basket identity.

Sharmane Fury 16:39

So what I what I would say though, okay, so now you have you know, that and you can start to explore it in terms of the Irish, like, the way like, the Anglo was just kind of splashed around all of ancestry. Ancestry doesn't hold a whole lot of marks they do for European, Europe and Anglo. So if they have it, they there's enough evidence for it. But they don't hold a whole lot of markers for outside of Europe. So like, you might get, you know, the Iberian Peninsula one day, and then it'll be gone. And then or it'll come back, you know, like, they reset. They're totally,

Siobhan Diores 17:12

I had it, I think we first joined it, like, maybe 2016. And so I get the updates that's like, every year to there, like it's been updated. And it's just it's said pretty consistent. I mean, it's definitely still like 50%, Asian, 50%. White, but definitely the region's kind of shift

Sharmane Fury 17:31

or shift. Yeah, yeah, that's happened to me a lot. I've had Scandinavian taken away, given taken away. And in my case, I just kind of at that point, go with what culture is my family held, like, my, my British side was a mix of Welsh and English. And in Spanish from way, way back, but not enough for us to know it just enough for us to have black hair, I guess. And on my mother's white side, they've been here in the states since 1711. And so they were Appalachian people, which everybody assumed as Scots Irish, but in our case was like, or German, Irish is what they thought, in our case, they're actually Scottish and a little bit Irish, you know, in terms of DNA and stuff like that. So I but with the black side, I don't pay attention to what they update. Yeah, because they just don't have enough

Siobhan Diores 18:23

stuff. Yeah, my husband is half his dad is Jamaican. So it's shifted around a lot of like, Afro Jamaican to now they're kind of getting more, I guess, data there. But it's still like the Africa part has been like, yeah, shifting all over the place. All these little percentages

Sharmane Fury 18:40

that we descend from the Bantu people in the Bantu people went from Kenya to South Africa to up the western coast. And so yeah, we're probably a mix of all these places, but the countries didn't even exist when those migrations were having, you know, happening. So to say that I'm Nigerian, if probably not, you know, that kind of thing. So I did African ancestry, which is a different kind of company, and they actually they have more markers for the actual continent. So I was able to get down to the three tribes in the current EU, what's currently known as Gabon, that my paternal my father's paternal side, has we seven done the mother, the father's maternal side, or my grandfather's maternal side? We haven't done that part yet. But you know,

Siobhan Diores 19:25

good to know that they're coming out with different things although I know it's still a question of what people are doing with all that data. But you know, because the

Sharmane Fury 19:34

thing I get why people are cautious of spitting and like if they

Siobhan Diores 19:39

want me they already got me in my face my you know,

Sharmane Fury 19:44

like all that stuff. The thing the reason why I did it is because I wanted to see if I have siblings that my dad didn't talk about. I'm fully waiting to find trophies in the worlds I Um, that's what I refer to them as the slides. So I think I believe that there are more out there than just me and my brother and my half siblings, but I'm sure that there's that's why I did it like legit. That's the reason why I did it. I wanted to see the drama.

Siobhan Diores 20:15

Well, interesting because my dad did it the first time Ben would not with that intention, even though he knew he was adopted, he just wanted to know, the ethnic makeup and that is how he got reunited with his biological family was that someone messaged him on Facebook and was like, I was on my ancestry and it says we're cousins and I never heard of you. world shattering your uncle had an affair.

Sharmane Fury 20:40

Yeah, see? That's what I'm there for. I don't like what watching like reality TV, but when I find out that there's a DNA scandal that you I live for it? I don't know why. I just do.

Siobhan Diores 20:55

I agree. I agree.

Sharmane Fury 20:58

But let's get into talking about you a little bit more. So I'm a person who loves the hybrid Nate terms that we come up with for our mixes and you wrote in your in your form punch Irish

Siobhan Diores 21:10

Yeah, pin Irish and Irish So like you said you were saying like more about the identity and the culture that's what I go by even though I found out this bass stuff like I was raised by this Irish American very, like, true to their identity family. So I still am pin Irish. Just short and sweet. I love it.

Sharmane Fury 21:30

Yeah, I love it. I love the hybrid terms that we come up with because it's so it's a way for us to really like we're we're hybrids. Why wouldn't we want to mix it together? I love it. So yeah, like that is I always make jokes of like, things are my kinks. This has become a kink for me. If I hear that someone has a hybrid term. I'm like, I need I need to know your hybrid term, because I enjoy it.

Siobhan Diores 21:53

Said it's your kink. Yeah, so

Sharmane Fury 21:55

like, my like, Yeah, I like to call things that aren't even remotely related to kinks my kinks. And one of those is, is to create a hybrid term because it gives us like a sense of ownership of what it is that we are, you know, if I can maneuver black spaces, even presenting the way I do pretty comfortably. I I'm I'm getting more access to maneuver Asian American spaces in a way that I didn't used to be able to, I have yet to be able to maneuver Japanese spaces as an accepted Japanese person or Japanese Mixed person. So creating my little hybrid term for me blackened knees was my way as a young person to feel like this is my thing. This is what I this is why so I do I love that.

Siobhan Diores 22:47

I love that my nephew, he's he's 13. And he calls himself Blockupy. No,

Sharmane Fury 22:52

I love like Pinot. Yeah, I do. I we have some black pinos that have been on the show before. That's a good one to that. I mean, I think what I love about it in particular is the ownership aspect is that it gives us that room to stake our claim because as much as I'm loved to tell us to, you know, go into the spaces of the people that we come from and be a part of that story. Because you know, I am a part of blackness I am a part of Japanese as I am a part of I say Britishness versus like whiteness, because my white is British, like where my Nana lived with me, and she was the only white person my family. But I know that I can't 100% Understand how to maneuver in those spaces and stuff. So in creating those terms, I think we create like a freedom for us to maneuver.

Siobhan Diores 23:50

I agree in those spaces.

Sharmane Fury 23:53

So why don't why don't we talk a little bit like you, you, you and I talked about how you were kind of born in the US and raised in the Bay Area, which for Asian Americans, it's far more common for us to be used to Mixed Asians than I think any other parts of the country necessarily. So you said what you were describing what you were experiencing was like you were far more used to mix folks than say other mix people that you were encountering later on, which is very similar to me. I grew up with a lot of a lot of mix people too. Did you feel like you had any identity things in terms of understanding who you were when you were?

Siobhan Diores 24:30

You know? Yeah, so growing up in San Francisco, we you know, my mom's Filipino, my dad's Irish white, this white dude. And there were in the earlier days as kids we were the schools we went to were mostly black and Latino. So we were the only Asian kids and the only white kids so it was just outsider. Either way you go and no one really cared which way it was. Like, well, they look different. We don't really know what they are. But we never really were excluded in that sense. And I think that, you know, just that identity. In my earlier days before I transferred schools, which was like mid Elementary, then went to a super Chinese don't like predominantly Chinese school. That's the first time where I really felt that because this would probably surprise people. But it's the first time we really experienced like prejudice was from the Chinese kids calling, calling us slurs for being like not Asian enough, like there was this whole Asian Pride movement. I feel like in the 90s, where it was, which was like, cool, you know, but it's, I think it's always going to be dominant group versus whatever the minority is. So that was the first time I started to think about that stuff. was being like, oh, yeah, you're right, I am white. And Filipinos are also Southeast Asian, which are looked down on by a lot of East Asian, so that kind of came in, where it was more like, Oh, you're Filipino. Versus like, you're something different. But then I grew up really close with my older sister is full Filipino. And she had my niece really young, and my niece is Filipino and black. So she was always with us, like a little sister, and actually having her around was what really exposed us to the first like, real racism was like, Oh, they're Filipino. And they have you know, that like, like, they say their identifier black, a piano girl. So most of our identity stuff came from not fitting in with Asians, even though we're in this like Asian world. For my identity as far as that went, thankfully, because there were so many of us, I'm one to four, and then plus my knees, we kind of had our own little gang going on that it didn't really matter. And people still thought we were kind of cool, because we're like this, like close knit little family that was kind of like, Don't Can you swear on the show? Yeah, I was like, don't fuck with that. Like, we're not gonna fuck with them because they roll deep, this little Mixed family. But it's still like you were saying was like being around white kids, you're there's something different. They'll point out that you're Asian being with Asian kids, they'll point out that you're white and crack jokes like, Oh, she's our white girl. And she's our Asian girl. But because it was so normal, I don't think thankfully, I really felt much like insecurity around that there were so many other things to be insecure about. I feel like in my life, like, this is how I see now being Mixed was like always being in the in between in between, like sizes in between all sexualities, like that stuff, I think gave me more of that versus the racial differences.

Sharmane Fury 27:57

No, yeah, I can, I can see that too. I think the, you know, I've said on the show a bunch of times about how Asian American identity is so weird, because we don't have like Asian solidarity in Asia, like, you know, your East Asian, your Southeast Asian and your South Asian. And then amongst the East Asians, none of us get along. And amongst the Southeast Asians, it's a mix of who gets along based off of who occupied them, or who colonized them, you know, like, so there's all these different divides across across all of Asia. And then you come here where the population just views you all as one thing. And it's usually whatever is the most common Asian group around where they grew up. That's what all Asians are. So if they're only around Chinese, then all Asians are Chinese no matter what. And the amount of times I've had to answer, Hey, show me your Chinese, right? No, and I've talked about that, you know, like, you know, no, so many times. And then, and then the lack of education, I think that some of us as who grew up Asian American have about the atrocities that were committed in Asia by other Asians, like the Japanese, I rolled through Asian American spaces, like, you know, Asian American groups in high school and stuff like that thinking I'm gonna get some Asian solidarity. And when I'm excluded, I'm thinking I'm excluded, because I'm Mixed. And I didn't understand that in some cases, I was being excluded because I was Japanese. And the people that were mostly in these groups were Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Filipino groups that Japan had committed atrocities, and I didn't know that so I didn't know that that's how I was that that's what I was doing by entering in those spaces. So I just grew up with this little bit of a you know, Asians don't like me, I'm, you know, I'm, in my mind. I'm too black to be Asian, I guess was what I was thinking was happening. And that might have been the case in some places, but I think I was too Japanese to be Asian in a lot of cases. And it wasn't until I got that education that I started realizing that I had to maneuver those spaces. is a little bit different and acknowledge that like, yeah, I come from the people. I come from the colonizer of Asia, or a colonizer of Asia, I guess. And and that really changed like the way I started to maneuver. Asian spaces. The other part is in my Japanese family. I wasn't Japanese because I wasn't born in Japan. But I didn't know. Yeah, that's what they meant. I thought they were saying I was just not Japanese. Because again, I thought because I was Mixed. So it's weird when like, the first time we experienced some kind of you're not Asian enough comes from Asians. Because you're just like, What? What, how, why? Right. But you know, I feel like I'm getting better. I'm getting more access and things like that. So I'm starting to understand like how to maneuver in those spaces. But with you like because you also have a white parent. Do people get like, do people see you as Mixed Asian? are you how are you viewed out in the world? What do people

Siobhan Diores 31:03

it really, it's so inconsistent? I think the most common is people think I'm Latina. People usually think that Mexican made in California, that's the most assumed I lived in South Florida for a little to where they would just automatically speak Spanish because everyone there speak Spanish, white, black doesn't matter. And when I would say no, I don't they'd be like, why not? Your mom didn't teach you. And then I would say I'm actually Filipino, and they go, don't they speak Spanish?

Sharmane Fury 31:35

They got Spanish last names don't

Siobhan Diores 31:40

speak Spanish. So it's pretty inconsistent. I would say now, I think as an adult, I get recognized more as being Filipino or mix of some sort. As a kid maybe because I was around so many Asians, it was more obvious that I was white. I really look like both of my parents. It's funny because you might I had like the face of my mom. But people placed me more as like in my dad because I have like a tall, broader body. He kind of has this like round nose and smaller eyes, even despite him not being Asian. And so people would usually be like, Oh, you look like your dad, you're white. And then Filipinos a lot of times, would be curious and ask because, um, we'll probably get into this of just like, the kind of fetishization of being Mixed with white. That's like aspirational. So I think Filipinos could recognize it in a way that was kind of like, ooh, like it's DISA like, Oh, you're Mixed like you're so beautiful like it's immediately this kind of like you're not like us but you are one of us and you're like one of us it's kind of weird like it's

Sharmane Fury 32:55

almost like you You give them hope for and I hate that I'm saying these words but like you give them hope for an a better men of the race because now so true people are included Yeah, I that is actually a huge topic that I think like the white Asian mixes in particular experience this so I come from a military family so I have American Air Force soldiers I guess that that left the country to serve in other countries and and found their wives and brought them here so in my case, I have this very strong stigma of white men in military who go and find yellow brides like it's in my family and multiple members of my family have done this and so I when I hear the white Asian mix in the the man is white I instantly go like military because I think about you know, the imperialism and stuff in it. Yeah, I still got shit to work out like with my family about that.

Siobhan Diores 33:54

Totally. But what I'll be roasting wages for that reason I am I am a big fan of Wagin humor online that like comes for the white Asian stereotypes and experiences and I will preface that that was not my parents situation. They have like a like they actually like fell in love or same age when my mom came to the US. But I noticed that and it's so because makes my skin crawl. So

Sharmane Fury 34:23

I didn't know until doing the show, like legit did not know because I had such a strong focus on the EU. White soldiers going to yellow countries type of thing. And what happened to my grandma when she got here, like what the military made her do. So that was all my focus. I was completely closed minded to any other story. But then I started hearing on this show the Mixed way Asians talking about how their Asian parents was fetishizing the white like that it didn't matter what white person they found as long as they found a white person that they could have babies with. And that shit just like blew opened a whole different, like I haven't processed fully even in four years I have not processed fully the idea of the, the reverse of what I find as a problematic.

Siobhan Diores 35:12

Yeah. And I think it is it's kind of like the symbiotic thing. Yeah, that was like psychological by those things happening, like, you know, soldiers going out there, then in a fucked up way. I think, like just speaking for myself, I guess that a lot of these women in the Philippines saw like, from the outside looking in, oh, well, that's not so bad. They got rescued from here, you know, not having the political analysis that that's what was causing the need to be rescued and taken out of the situation. But that's what I've seen in my family was like, well, things are so messed up here. So we want a white guy to take us out. We would love to be taken to the US. And then that's why coming here, I think that I totally see that that it then like it's like the whole history of it got forgotten. And all that was taken away was like, white, aspirational, final white husband, great. goals,

Sharmane Fury 36:12

goals. Yeah, no, I think it's an important conversation for us to have in the Mixed Asian community, especially where we're white is a part of it. The flipbook like in my case, because black is my dominant, like, ethnic identity or cultural identity. I don't view myself in ways in terms, the way that I view myself in Blasian terms, you know, like, I move more in black spaces than than I do in white spaces, and, of course, never being able to be seen as a white person. Whereas a lot of ways Asians that I speak to on this show get misidentified as white. Even if they are told that they're white passing, which is not the correct use of the term, but they're told they're white passing. They believe they're white passing, and I'm looking at someone that looks clearly like a Mixed Asian, like when they

Siobhan Diores 37:01

Yeah, I think we recognize each other. And then a lot of times people Yeah, I say white perceived because I know the White passing is like he's so misused. I'll say white perceived. And because I like that, that unlike your perception is not really my responsibility. It's not anything I'm trying to do. But definitely, I would say it's a Mixed bag, but white proceed, but I would say non white people are easily like can tell like, yeah, oh, yeah, you're you're something

Sharmane Fury 37:30

I needed if they don't know what it is. Because that's also the difference between me answering the question, what are you or a version of that question, which is what I say on the show a lot is that black people say what are you Mixed with identifying I can tell that you're black? But what's the other part? With Asians? I don't really get that I will get a closer thing to what white people do, which is the where are you from? Or what are you? They'll get like, you're not? I can't tell where you are, you know, like, you

Siobhan Diores 37:56

don't even want to complete the question. They're just gonna give like, until you offer them

Sharmane Fury 38:01

for it. Right. Exactly, exactly. Whereas like, a Latino people will just be straight up like Dominican, no, Puerto Rican, no, Cuban. No. And you're just sitting there like, Okay, I'll just tell you, I'm black and Japanese. And they'll be like, you're incorrect. You're obviously Dominican. You know,

Siobhan Diores 38:18

why don't you speak earlier? Not.

Sharmane Fury 38:21

So like in brown. That's totally

Siobhan Diores 38:22

how being in South Florida was or like, no, your Spanish you're obviously like, I'm definitely not Spanish.

Sharmane Fury 38:31

They would they want to own you, which I appreciate. Sometimes, it's super aggressive in a way of just like, you don't appreciate the people that you come from. And so I'm gonna force you to appreciate the Dominican people. And so like, I appreciate that they want me but at the same time, it's just like, No, this is what I am. Whereas white people are the only people that will directly say like, no, I need to understand how to other you are exotic size you with the way that they ask the questions. And then Asians have the really dismissal like you said, just something, you know, please tell me so I don't have to say it out loud. type of thing. Yeah,

Siobhan Diores 39:13

I've always found that it's other people seeking they need the box to make them feel comfortable and how to proceed. Whereas like I said, and I totally get this is not the popular experience. It just really wasn't a big deal to me growing up because of what I saw. And I am unpacking a lot more later because I also am like, Okay, well, I also was made to believe it wasn't a big deal. And a lot of things like color blindness was kind of the, the way that my family went about it. So I'm unpacking it now but growing up I would just be like, Why do you care? Like, you know, like very I was very rebellious just like I'm not are like fucking with people. Like I'm not even going to answer just to like, be annoying. That's probably Gramma human that

Sharmane Fury 39:59

though. Like It probably gave you a little bit of an armor against like, Yeah, you were being actively othered to be able to do

Siobhan Diores 40:07

totally, it was a power move.

Sharmane Fury 40:10

Even if you have shit to unpack about that now, I still feel like that was probably the healthy. You could have maneuvered that age for that. How do you move now? Like, do you feel a separation from how you identified before? Does it feel pretty seamless into your adulthood?

Siobhan Diores 40:30

Yeah, now, I mean, in general, I reject the term white because I just am rejecting whiteness, and as a whole, which my dad I think was always like, we're Irish, we're not white. But his reasoning for it was very different. Whereas mine is very like political, like, let's just dismantle the concept of whiteness in general. But I still, you know, Pan Irish is how I identify, I think, naturally, my life, I've been surrounded by more Filipino friends and Mixed friends and Mixed. Yeah, just most of my friends are Mixed. So I think the way that I move around, is more Asian American. Also, I would give some of that to just that I was raised by an Asian mother. And I think that that being raised by her primarily made me identify more with the culture, the food. I'm a birth worker. So I, a lot of the ways that I care for my clients are through like, Asian, I guess perspectives and like healing philosophies, including Chinese because my Filipino side does have Chinese ancestry. But yeah, I have a very Mixed identity and I'm very comfortable now just being like, Yeah, I'm all the things I don't say half this half that and more. I think that's a really important conversation that got more popular the last few years that I'm really grateful for, was that validation, I'm sure your your show like that has. Yeah, like how to influence in there that's like, we are all these things like I am fully this, I am fully that. And then I am a really spiritual person that's been on this path of connecting with my ancestors, that, you know, feeling that from them and feeling that like, strong cultural, like connection, so deeply has been really validating to that I don't have to pick. And in the last year, this like, kind of, like, collided with everything. I met three other Filipino and Irish, specifically people. And like, they just we walked into each other's lives. And I was like, Whoa, and seeing the similarities of the cultures, even seeing the similarities of just like so many things. I have this other theory that I won't get into. But I have a theory around Southeast Asia and like Celtic cultures, there's some kind of connection because the, the folklore and this there's so many weird similarities, but I won't go down that road.

Sharmane Fury 43:19

Well, I like to I there's something there. I do agree. Because whether or not this is an accurate way of describing them, you think of the Celts is like the indigenous people of those those islands. Yeah. Because once the Anglos came in, there was domination that like all the same things that happened to brown places that white people getting on boats did happen to Irish people, Scottish people was like the same thing. were happening. So I do I agree there's something there's some shared ancestral type of behavior. Yes, I think are going over there. It's, it's, it doesn't happen to me often. But when you can meet somebody that has your same mix, there is something kind of extra special than to just meet Mixed people in general, although meeting mix people in general is great. And it's helpful because you're like, I don't have to explain what I'm talking about. You already get what I'm talking about. But is there something you know, kind of nice, yeah, I

Siobhan Diores 44:22

didn't think it would be as exciting as it was. Like I said, I think I kind of suppressed a lot of that for myself. That was like, I don't need that. I'm me. Like, I have my siblings that get it. But yeah, it has been special. Yeah.

Sharmane Fury 44:38

And I agreed with the validating part of it because like, my brother and I grew up in the same house and although we don't identify publicly the same Oh, you know, we aligned with different parts of our of our heritage and stuff like that. There's things that he and I would share that it's fine is like we're families, whatever, but divided meat somebody out in the wild. And they're like, oh, this happens to me when I combine this Japanese food with his black food or something like that. And you know, we have we have that shirt that there's like it. It's way more validating to have that, to find that in the wild than to find it in your own family, I think. Yeah, totally. For some reason. Can I ask about your as a birth worker, and as a person of color. And as coming from a culture that is sort of known more for like caretaking and things like that? How does that play out? If it's okay to ask, how does that play out in the work that you do? With mothers from different backgrounds?

Siobhan Diores 45:48

That's such a great question, because actually, the first thing that comes to mind was that in the beginning of being a birth worker, I think my mom and my Auntie's were very confused. Because I was seeing it as this. Like, I wasn't seeing it as being another Filipino caregiver. And I think their reactions in the beginning were like, What is like, what are you not like about this? You know, why is this like, not interesting to you? Because I thought, like, this is so cool. I'm learning our birth traditions. And then realizing that that was like, Oh, my gosh, we came all the way here for you to be like an in home worker. And there's like a shame to that. And I, my mom, and I actually got into a little, like, she's constant was constantly like, Well, are you gonna go to nursing school, like being a nurse, be a nurse, be a nurse? And I finally said to her, like, Do you realize how much I love my job and like the impact that I'm making that I share with you? I'm really proud of this job. And I think that I really I didn't really it didn't really clicked to me that I was a Filipino woman that chose to be like an in home caregiver, which gave me this. One, it clicked of why I was led to it because I think that that's part of my practice is trying to bring a lot of pride back to a lot of dignity, I would say actually bringing the dignity back to being a caregiver. Irish people to have like, a lot of stereotype about being nurses and stuff. So it's really I Yeah, yeah. I didn't really think about that before. But to your question of like, Was it what it's like to when

Sharmane Fury 47:34

you're when you're caring for people from different backgrounds? Oh, I've had a few. Yeah. Folks that have been on the show where they've talked about, like, if they if if they're caring for a black person, and they are Mixed black person, the relief that the mother experiences knowing Oh, so what kind of like me is in in care? Yeah. Oh, yes. Wearing seeing a version of that, like, depending on the backgrounds that people are coming from you being specifically a non obvious white presenting person, would that be helpful in your practice?

Siobhan Diores 48:08

Yeah, so Okay, so yes. Now I, I really appreciate that question. Because in the beginning, when I began my practice, especially somewhere like the Bay Area, where there's a lot of wealthy people, and I'm picking between, you know, the full paying client, and then the clients that are my peers, who are not the people who can afford usually, the love the full price, that was really hard for me in the beginning to not be so selective about now I'm very selective, actually, of who I work for. I only work for either personal friends, Asian clients, or non white and not explicitly, but I don't, it's not like on my website, like, I'm not going to work with whatever, because I do have clients of all backgrounds, but I'm very bold about my values, make sure they look at my Instagram and see like what I'm about because there were times in the beginning where I worked with families that did just treat me like the help. And it did feel very just degrading about like giving me all these insights of like, wow, like you don't really care to know much about the person that you're trusting with your baby every night for the first few months. Like yeah, very fascinating. I'm like, Whoa, like that has never occurred to me like working with different families and I actually don't work with unless are my personal friends. I actually don't work with black breathing people anymore either. Because I will refer them to a black birth worker that will be closer and so in the beginning I did and also it's you know, what's available in the Bay Area. I still like if there's a shortage of people finding that person If I will, but over time I realized, like, wow, people really deserve one, somebody that they can connect with in these vulnerable moments, but also somebody that, at least is trying to to get your culture. So it's been, most of my clients now are Asian American women. I also say I don't, I haven't worked with any trans birthing people, because same kind of thing I'm going to pair, refer them to a trans birth worker, or somebody who specializes and gets those experiences more. But yeah, being in that position with my identity, I think people appreciate having because, you know, a lot of people their biggest concern going in, like I have, a lot of people come to me saying, like, I don't want a white person with me, they don't want to be in their labor and be triggered by some accidental cultural, like micro aggression, even just like the image sometimes of seeing people. So I do find that a lot of people really, really seek out birth workers that match their identities. Because especially during the pandemic, a lot of people who normally would have their families or their mom's like, if they're not local, have their mom or grandma fly in and stay with them for those first couple months. And that was kind of taken away. The next best thing is somebody that's like, as close as possible to the culture that they identify with. So I'm really grateful over time that I've been able to discern more who I work with. Because there's such a divide in the birth work community of people who think it's elite and hired help, because there have been those families who hired me because like, well, the nurses don't really tend to us much. So they want just like a servant on hand there. And that is a privilege to be able to, like say, No, not really a privilege, because it's not like I made like, it's not like I really had the money to not, but I chose that like that integrity, for me was more important than just getting people's money.

Sharmane Fury 52:17

And over time, you'll be a better person for the families you do work with, because you're not always having to process that. Yeah, and those, you know,

Siobhan Diores 52:26

totally, because I have had my own birth experience, my own abortion experience, where there was some discrimination toward me. And some, I won't say out, it wasn't like over Lee, but there were just things that were really off about it that I'm susceptible to having my own. And that is what I experienced watching these birds and watching how these people care for their children and like, my own personal feelings, it's just like, oh my god, this is so like, you know, white culture is like, what dominant white like waspy culture? It's really not loving toward toward it's there's a loss of empathy. Yes. And that's embedded in just white supremacist culture, I think is like you really see it around birth, the choices that people make, the way they treat their health, the way that they make their plans for their babies, those first couple months, like don't allow them in the room don't allow, like, yeah, it, it does. I am seeing now as I move forward into the next year of how I still want to find a way that meets my that honors my own needs, that I still work with white families around this stuff, because I think it is important and I don't want to leave I do think I have a personal responsibility as a like white perceive person. No responsibility opportunity. I think I have an opportunity where I'm I'm heard a lot of times by white families and can bridge that. So I'm finding ways that I can still make an impact. But it's not going to be the same as it was before in their homes every night because it did feel degrading after a while

Sharmane Fury 54:12

No, yeah, I can imagine. Now, I appreciate you answering that because I mean, choosing not to be a mother of human children, I guess. i One of the really one of the biggest reliefs of my recent medical life is starting to have Black and Asian doctors and nurses and being able to choose that because of the location that I'm in. I have that opportunity and the relief. I feel in going to the actually the the the amount of times I go to the doctor now actually increases because I feel more comfortable with the person that is taking care of me in those moments, and that they have an awareness of what I say I'm both Black and Asian. And I need to be checking for the things that affect, you know, so you know, yeah, life events. And finally having the doctors who stop and listen to those things, like the impact I've experienced, and I'm not doing anything nearly as dramatic as interesting the life of this thing I've been growing, you know, like, I can't imagine being very dismissive about something that came out of my body, you know, like it just, and of course, I'm not choosing to be a mother. So I know I don't have the right context to be able to talk about it beyond just like understanding that ethnically, I would appreciate someone who matches in some way shape or form because I think there's a level of comfort and empathy that goes there.

Siobhan Diores 55:42

Yeah, doulas literally exists to, I think, be that bridge for that, like, there's just such a gap there. And like one culturally competent care is lacking to like, continuity of the care is lacking, and like having that relationship. So it has it really like, it really is, I feel really honored to be invited in those spaces. And and I see my whiteness come into play as an advantage. And I didn't know a client has told me this, but sometimes I wonder I'm like, oh, maybe they like I wouldn't be offended or surprise, if that was a plus side to some of my, like, not Mixed with why to all clients wanting me as a Mixed person, because doctors and also comes with like, the way I present myself, the way I speak, that doctors will listen to me when they feel unheard. And that I'm there to observe and take notes. And knowing that there is this kind of like sort of white presence that's has an eye on them that they whether subconsciously or not respect more, or puts them a little, like perk some up a little more like, okay, there's somebody here that's kind of keeping an eye. So I hadn't really thought up before, but I, I think it does come into play in this work. The way that I'm received when I'm at the hospital with my clients, yeah,

Sharmane Fury 57:11

the way in which we can, whether or not it's problematic is a different story. But to utilize the palatable Ness that comes along with being a Mixed person, in some spaces. Promise all the comments. To be able to use that as as a way to improve the situation for your clients, I think is a really great way to work that in, in the versus just like accepting the palatability status, like okay, it's just the way it is. I'm just going to, but this is like an active way to be able to utilize I think that I think that's well brilliant if you if you can thread that line with people. And I would completely understand why a person of color would choose a Mixed with white person because you're like a translator. Yeah, you could be like a translator depending on Yeah, your breakdown to know. I think that's brilliant. Thank you for sharing that with me. Because I was I was curious. Like I wrote it down when, when you first did that was like, oh, let's get into that question. Really. We are coming a little bit close to the end of this though. So one of the things that I do like to ask all of the people that I speak with, because sometimes we do talk about trauma and difficulties related to our mixes, what is something that you love most about being Mixed?

Siobhan Diores 58:36

I think being Mixed, I love Well, the first thing that comes to mind is I love the food of having a Mixed family because our parties always have all types of food. And it's never, never bland around here. That's probably my favorite part. But I also love like I love the perspective that I'm able to bring to spaces and over time, I have really come to see that as a personal superpower, this ability to shift and kind of glide between and observe and offer insight that people may either not have considered being in the spaces where maybe they don't know a person of colors in the room and being that person that does speak out. I really do love being able to use my my privilege or identity in a way that can offer expansion of a conversation or expansion of thinking. And I think that is that's a role that I used to be forced into that now I'm really embracing as a strength that I can kind of push push the boundaries a little bit and offer that In a way, and like you said, like not wielding it, like, in an entitled way, but it is kind of fun to push the limits a little bit. And I feel a little bit of safety in my ambiguity, where people relate to me enough to form a little bit more understanding and empathy and kindness in some ways, which is fucked up. But I think I that is my favorite thing that I that I love about my positioning is that I get people to consider other things that they may not in a way that's kind of safe for them, because I still do it with a lot of love and still do it from a place. It's like, I'm different, but I'm also reaching out and connecting with you because we're the same, but we're different. And I'm gonna let you know why that's a good thing. So,

Sharmane Fury 1:00:51

right. I appreciate that. Since you did bring up food though. Do you have a hybrid food mix this year?

Siobhan Diores 1:01:01

I don't have a particular one. But when I remember when I was in middle school, one of my aim screen names was corned beef. limpia.

Sharmane Fury 1:01:11

That's excellent.

Siobhan Diores 1:01:13

I never actually made it though. I'm gonna have to our holiday meals are always automatically hybrid because we we bring in, you know, my mom will just be like, this needs rice. So gravy, Irish Stew, actually, that would be a hybrid meal. And my house would be like the Irish Stew but eating it with rice

Sharmane Fury 1:01:37

with rice, which would be perfect because well, I mean, I'm thinking about is like Japanese cut it like Germany. Yeah. Yeah. So it would be like that. But with right? No, that's brilliant. So that's another kink of mine. As far as learning new. Another king is learning new hybrid foods that people can try for like, for me, I don't necessarily have like what I like is like, I like fried chicken. It's fine. But I love Japanese fried chicken, because it's a combination of the two things that you know from from my culture. So it's not necessarily like the whole meal itself is a hybrid, but just that the act, I guess,

Siobhan Diores 1:02:13

was some gravy. That's uh, have you ever had Jollibee jolly be fried chicken with the gravy? That's a little hybrid. He

Sharmane Fury 1:02:20

has a hybrid? Yeah, it works. Yeah, so that's cute. Well, thank you so much for joining me and sharing your story with me. I, I think adding the perspective which which I've only been able to share on the show a few times with a birth workers and you know, the impact I think is very important to share as well. So thank you for talking about that with me a little bit as well. Do you want to tell people how to find you? Do you want to connect on social media

Siobhan Diores 1:02:47

or Thank you? Yeah, so my Instagram is at Siobhan dot Diores, you'll probably need to look at the notes for how to spell all of that. But I am a birth worker doing a lot of online spaces as well helping people and be embodied as parents I'm actually shifting away from attending burrows and postpartum due to my marriage separation, just changing my my son's needs and being more present with him and not on call. So I'm going to be doing a lot of online spaces for single parents for co parenting, for energy work. I play in the space, the intersection of politics, spirituality and science. So that's my approach and if that resonates with you, then reach out.

Sharmane Fury 1:03:39

Thank you for sharing.

Militantly Mixed as a ManeHustle media podcast produced and hosted by me Sharmane Fury. Music is by David Brogan, the One. You can follow us on social media on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @MilitantlyMixed if you'd like to become a sponsor of Militantly Mixed please go to patreon.com/MilitantlyMixed for monthly sponsorship or paypal.me/MilitantlyMixed for a one time only donation. And if you like what you hear on Militantly Mixed, please subscribe rate, and review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. And don't forget to be your Mixed Ass Self! ManeHustle Media, turn your side hustle into your main hustle.

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